What is a poisonous/toxic romantic relationship: Toxic, poisonous = very unpleasant or unacceptable.
The difference between an abusive relationship and a toxic one is that the first is marked by a willingness to control the partner, while a toxic relationship is marked by the lack of control over the reactions of the two partners. Abusive relationships are those in which a partner control the other persons’s finances, social and emotional life.
The abuser can use physical violence, psychological violence, threats, sexual abuse, intimidation or isolation. Usually there are three phases involved: the building up of the tension>> acute explosion>> honey moon phase in which the abuser apologizes and promises not to do it again. A toxic relationship is the one in which two partners cannot control their reactions subtle forms of manipulations, threats, jealousy and lies can take place.
Signs of Toxic/poisonous romantic relationships:
- criticising personal characteristics and names calling. - Phone and email checking. - Wanting to know obsessively ‘where’ and ‘with whom’ the partner has been. - Passive-aggressive behaviours - Silent treatment - Yelling/screaming and throwing of objects with the aim of intimidating the other person;
- Gaslighting - Arise on purpose guilty feelings towards the partner
Effects of Staying in a toxic romantic relationship:
- lower self-esteem - Inability to make decisions on your own - Isolation - Inability to speak up and to put healthy boundaries in place;
- Physical and mental problems - Lower energy to dedicate to work or to expand your social network;
Why you stay in a toxic relationship:
- Thinking that ‘happiness’ comes only when in a romantic relationship;
- Thinking that love and company is found only within a romantic relationship;
- Lacking a clear future perspective for oneself..and oneself only;
-Thinking that only a romantic partner can make you happy, satisfied and ‘whole’;
-Not believing in yourself: negative self talk affect the way people see themselves thus affecting their vision for the future;
-Having a perspective that discounts what your bring into the relationship while putting on a pedestal your partner;
-Thinking that you have to work harder to gain the love of your partner;
-Thinking that you have to help or to save your partner from his/hers troubles;
How to get out from a toxic relationship:
1- Recognise there is a problem: if the relationship is draining, constant arguing and emotional distress to the point that it affects your work or social life, then you might be caught in a toxic relationship.
2- Ask for help: talk with a trusted friend or with a professional 3- learn to build healthy boundaries: probably the most difficult step is to get to know who you are and what triggers your fears. This is the first step in order to learn to set in place boundaries that allows you to feel secure, respected without the fear of being rejected.
witten by Alice Bertoldo